I have made many, many mix tapes and playlist over the years.  However, in recent years, they have been  made as motivators for me when I run.  When I used to make mix tapes, every song had a meaning and a place.  When I set out to make a playlist of songs by Dylan or songs that were a part of Dylan’s life, I wanted perfection.  What set me off to attempt to make such a playlist was a couple things.  When I discovered some music Dylan had recorded on his computer, I thought I could put something together from that.  Then, with the impending day on the boat to spread Dylan’s ashes, it evolved into something different.  It became a group of songs which I have played a portion of almost every day in the last month.  Many times I have thought of expanding it too. Orignally, this was meant to be played while we were on the boat. In restrospect, I am glad it wasn’t, because I never felt like it was good enough. I was as frustrated with it as Dylan must have been while trying finish “Parked.”

Track 1: I Love You Dylan

I suspect that this was recorded around the time of the QuickCam memories in 1996.  I wanted to record something and play it back to make sure everything was working.  I told Dylan to say something — anything.  Donna might have told him what to say, because he didn’t know what to say.  I managed to keep one, because at one point later on, I put it up on our first web site.  When I did it, I told Dylan that now anybody in the world can hear him say he loves his Daddy.  I’m not sure he believed me then.
 

Track 2: Beautiful Boy by John Lennon

Even though this song was released thirteen years before Dylan was born, it always made me think of him.  When Dylan was born, it really felt like it was the three of us (at the time) and the rest of the world.  And I think that is the way this song comes off.  “Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.”

Track 3: This Land Is Your Land

This was recorded in June of 2001.  I’m pretty sure this is probably the first time Dylan played in front a group of people.  Jerry Danielson, Dylan’s guitar instructor, accompanies Dylan on this.  Dylan did a great job on the Woody Guthrie classic.
 

Track 4: Nine In The Afternoon by Panic At The Disco

This one was hard for me to come up with.  Originally, I wanted to put something from Sgt. Pepper here.  I kept thinking of “When I’m 64”, but “She’s Leaving Home” might have been better, if I choose to stick with the Beatles.  Sgt. Pepper was important to Dylan and us as a family for a couple reasons.  The first reason was because of what Dylan accomplished.  As Dylan’s guitar playing progressed, it was clear that he knew the basics really well.  He started learning a song here and there from Sgt. Pepper, until eventually, he was motivated to want to play the entire album.  I loved that he took the initiative and was determined to do it.  He pretty much breezed through the whole thing, until he got to George’s lead on “Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (Reprise)”.  He struggled with it, but ultimately he did prevail.  I wish I had thought of trying to record it.

The other reason Sgt. Pepper was important was because we, as a family, wasted quite a few afternoons playing the album from beginning to end on Rock Band.  We would switch around instruments, and sing our favorites or the one we thought we could sing.  Good fun.

In the end, I went with a Panic At The Disco song.  Appropriately, it is a very beatlesque sounding one.  This was a song that Dylan and Marisa used to call up a lot on Rock Band too.  I didn’t really care for it, but usually enjoyed playing it, in the end.  But, Panic At The Disco was a band that Dylan and I talked about quite a bit.  I had heard of the band, but wasn’t real familiar with the music from their debut album that had been out maybe a year at the time.  I told him I would listen to it, because he really enjoyed it.  That album was my running buddy for quite a while.  It grew on me.  I always suspected that his favorite song on the album was “I Write Sins Not Trajedies”, because of the line: “Haven’t you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?”  The kinds of conversations we used to have about bands like Panic At The Disco always reminded me of the discussions I would have about music with my friends when I was in high school.  I always liked a good discussion about music, and Dylan and I had many.  In fact, just before the accident he was talking about a band he really liked called †††.  Surprisingly EDM for him.  That is  usually my thing.

Track 5: Parked (fast instrumental)

This is a guitar take of “Parked” I found on Dylan’s computer.  Clearly, he had the chords he wanted, but was not sure about the pace.

Track 6: Check Yes, Juliet by We The Kings

When I started on this list, I wanted to try to find songs that meant something to other people in Dylan’s life besides myself.  I asked Marisa one evening, and she immediately said “Check Yes, Juliet”.  I like this song.  I had not heard this one before.  Very EMO, which Dylan liked.

Track 7: Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer

This was recorded in December of 2001. The video is so funny. Dylan is bobing his head, and you can see him counting. He knew the song well, and I guess at this point he was a road verteran because he seemed oblivious that he was in front of people. This was probably his second performance in front of people. Jerry accompanied Dylan on this one as well.

Track 8: You And Me by Lifehouse

This time the song idea came from Thalia. I asked her for a few songs that were their favorites as a couple. She gave me three. Of course, since it was my list I got to pick and choose. I’m sorry Dylan and Thalia, but I tried First Kiss by A Rocket To The Moon. I found the song to be mediacore at best, so all I heard was country. I can tolerate country sounding music much, much more than I used to, but the song still needs to be good. Instead, I went with the Lifehouse song here. This is a band that I have listened to their debut album a few times, but only really liked “Hanging By A Moment.” “You And Me” is a nice song, and kind fit in with direction the list was going.

Track 9: Bottom Of A Bottle

I think I would probably call this the apex of Dylan’s public guitar playing. He played this during a talent show at North Park Elementary school. This would have probably been in 2005. Organizer of the event allowed Dylan to go long on his time, because he was demonstrating a talent and he was pretty good in comparison. What was great about this one was that Dylan really liked this song a lot. It was introduced to him by Jerry Danielson, his long time guitar teacher by that point. The song is by a band Jerry’s son is in named Smile Emtpy Soul. Dylan liked this so much, he went out and bought the album. I liked it when he found something he really liked and wanted to play it. And for the most part it showed in his playing. Kind of funny having a sixth grader play a song about drug addition at an elementary school talent show. But it rocked!

Track 10: Stay by Artist Vs Poet

This is another song name that Thalia sent me. I actually like this song, and it fits great as the playlist comes down the final stretch. AVP usually sound a little too immature for me. Dylan and Thalia were huge fans of this band. In fact, a week or two before the accident, we found out they were planning on going down to San Diego to see the band. Donna and I weren’t thrilled with the idea of them driving down there and back right afterwards. They returned safe and sound at around 2am. Little did we know what awaited us a few days later, and feet from our home, not miles. Feet. I tried numerous times to determine the number of feet from our house to that corner before we moved bought the house. I was concerned about the proximity to the power lines, and electo-magnetic frequencies. Why? I was concerned about the safety of our family. Feet from our house. Four to five hundred feet from our house.

Track 11: Parked

This is the unfinished song that Dylan recorded in August of 2013. I love this, because there are parts where I can hear his voice as it was before the accident. I miss that voice. The lyrics are pretty good, and you can hear his voice.

Track 12: Rooftops by Pela

This:
…
we could sleep in the car
we could listen to songs
but i can tell by your face
we dont fit in this place
and you knew all along
all along
…

along with cyclical guitar outro just fits. I can see a young, idealistic couple longing to get out of Santa Clarita and run off somewhere to finish school or experiance life some other place. Feeling that they didn’t belong here. Maybe someday they would come back and raise a family of their own. Cyclical.

Track 13: I’ll Be There

A complete thought in 2011. This great because it is all Dylan. He chose the song, originally by A Change Of Pace.He tried a couple others first, but couldn’t get them right. He sang the song. And he finished the song. Because he wanted to. The bridge is the part that affects me.

Track 14: 7th And 17th by Pela

I chose this initially to end with. The sound of kids playing affects me now. Even before all this. I think I know how grandparents or potential grandparents must feel at this point in their lives. The loss of Dylan only stirs up those emotions even more now. I wonder about things like my grandfather. If he were with us today, he would wonder about the legacy of his family’s name. Will it continue? Dylan wanted to get married. Dylan wanted to have children. Dylan had met somebody that he was very much in love with. Dylan and Thalia had plans. Responsible plans. Plans they never got to see come to fruition. At this point, we don’t know if it will continue.

Track 15: Early Over Last

The first few times I listened to this, I cried. The combination of Dylan and Donna laughing over some of the last original guitar music Dylan had recorded was just unbearable. The dichotomy of the elated, unsolicited giggles of a young Dylan with his mommy over the slow meloncholy instrumental take on Dylan’s original, Parked is, I think, a great emotional expression of what it is to have a child and then lose him. As it fades, I realize that my son is not coming home.

While doing a little family trip for research on missions for the fourth grade, we happened upon this record store. Instantly, Dylan and Jim entered my mind and a conversation I had with Dylan before he left to go to Santa Cruz for school. When I asked Dylan if he found anything he can do while up there he said he already has the information for the record store in town. He figured it was going to be a good place to hang out. I laughed and told him he sounded so much like his Dad. This world is a lesser place without him. I love you kid and miss you everyday.

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What did Heritage Park mean to Dylan? I don’t know for sure, but it did hold something special for him, because he spent quite a bit of time there. The first experience I can remember was pretty emotional for me and the family. It happened in 2006. For a while Dylan and I would ride our bikes together. I guess we would go about six or seven miles. We used to ride around before dinner. One of the highlights was riding by the In and Out on Bouquet Canyon and smelling the grilled onions. I told Dylan a number of times that I swore I could almost taste them. When would head back towards home, we always took the bike path right by Heritage Park, a park built upon the mounds of dirt left behind after the grading was completed for all the new houses built in the area. One day we were riding along a little slope by the park, a place we could build momentum and push it a little, when Dylan’s foot got stuck in his spokes. He went over his handle bars and took a pretty bad spill. Having never had anything like this happen before, I was at a loss. I told him to stay still, because I was worried he broke something. He had his helmet on, which was now cracked, so we were fortunate. It seemed like he hadn’t broken anything, but he had some pretty nasty road rash which looked like something worse to me at the time. I called Donna in a bit of a panic and asked her where she was, and then basically told her she needed to get over there now and take us to the hospital or Urgent Care. While Dylan was being treated, I felt so terrible because it hurt so bad while they were cleaning him up. Ultimately, Dylan was fine. However, he ended up with a nice scar on his elbow that always reminded of the incident.

As a family, we played tennis a few times at the park over the years. The sun always seemed to be pretty brutal whenever we ended up able to get a court.

Later on, while in high school, Dylan used to spend a lot of time with Justin and Malcolm at the park. There were riding their bikes or maybe skateboarding. I’m pretty sure they were behaving themselves for the most part. Then, when Dylan and Thalia got together, they often spent time at the park. Sometimes, they would go there later than Donna and I thought they should, but again I know most of the time that is really where they were.

And now the city of Santa Clarita has allowed us help plant a tree in the park in memory of Dylan. It was a gracious gesture by the city, and we are grateful. We hope that the tree will withstand the forces of nature, so that we can check in on its progress once in a while and reflect on the memories we have had there.

Early Over Last by Dylan Zimmerman featuring Donna Zimmerman

guitar: Dylan Zimmerman recorded in 2013
voice: Dylan Zimmerman and Donna Zimmerman recorded in 1993/1994
mixed by: Jim Zimmerman in 2014

Here are some pretty good lyrics from a song Dylan was working on in August of last year. I took the liberty of calling it “Parked.” He seemed to be having some issue that he was not able to work through and left it unfinished. I would have loved to have had the opportunity to encourage him to finish it, because it is not bad. He wrote this in August of 2013.

I parked my car outside your window,
I had the speakers turned up loud,
I started throwing rocks to get your attention,
You turned around.

I saw you smile my direction,
I felt my feet lift off the ground,
I saw your subtle hesitation,
But I shot it down.

Chorus:

You and I
Like two of a kind,
While I’m keepin’ rhythm,
You’re keepin’ time,

Your little hand,
Fits perfectly in mine,
So know there’s always someone
Who thinks your hearts beating just fine.

…

Dylan grew up with several names. We should have known, since it began before he was even born. For quite a while during Donna’s pregnancy, Dylan’s name was going to Ian. Ian Tyler Zimmerman. We had it whittled down to three names: Dylan, Ian and Tyler. I wanted to avoid Dylan, because of the obvious musical history connection to the name Dylan and Zimmerman. For those who don’t know, Bob Dylan’s real name is Robert Zimmerman. I didn’t want Dylan to be constantly asked about whether that was the intention, so we opted for Ian. This presented a lot of trouble for people for some reason. They didn’t know how to spell it or they didn’t know how to say it. Ultimately, we caved in and went with Dylan Tyler Zimmerman for better or worse. We loved the name. We just didn’t want him to get picked on for it, which he never did. I guess younger people didn’t know their music history like I did. But that was just the beginning. I remember that shortly after Dylan was born Mike Myers had a character on Saturday Night Live that called everybody something-“mister”. “Doug-mister”, “Bob-mister”, and of course he would take it to extremes for maximum hilarity. Well, this seemed to catch on in the small Zimmerman household at the time. Soon, everything and everybody became a-mister. Eventually, it lead to our innocent, unsuspecting first born child. He became simply “Mister” for quite a while. Before, Mike Myers moved on and made a fortune pretending to be an obnoxious James Bond parody character, we grew out of the “mister” period. That didn’t mean we didn’t come up with something new. Only this time it was extremely generic and was usually best delivered with a twang: “Boy”. “Do your homework, Boy.” “What are we going to do about the boy?” This is stayed around for a long time, and still was used periodically right up to Valentine’s Day. Always in a tongue and cheek sort of way. It stayed around so long that Marisa quickly became “the girl.” Whenever we would venture out of the confines of L.A. county everything had a twang when we spoke, especially “boy”. It was more fun that way. Love you, boy.

I forgot to mention that Marisa occasionally called Dylan “Dilly.” Once in a while I would ask her when I got home, “Where is Dilly?”

So this doesn’t really pertain to Dylan’s driving; but I just had to share my most recent events of this weekend that included thoughts of my amazing nephew.

First, being the parent of 10 year old boys you never truly feel that they can grasp the concept of losing a loved one. Kyle decides to share his Pokemon cards with another cousin (from a different branch of his family). During the course of handing over the oldest looking box of the boxes he makes it clear to his younger cousin that they MUST be very careful and NOT to lose any of them because they were the LAST thing he got from his cousin. It was then that I realized Kyle has put it together. Dylan disappeared upstairs at his house during one of our visit and emerged handing over this box of cards to Kyle. I was so incredibly touched that Dylan’s heart was so huge that he knew what this would mean to my boy. One of many acts that showed how amazing he was.

Second, was during a discussion with Lonny about the people count for a birthday dinner for Julie, our sister. Lonny kept counting four for Jim, Donna, Dylan and Marisa. He said it several times before we both looked at each other and did our best to keep control and fall to pieces.

The Boy will be with us ALWAYS. Everyday I find something new that I thought I had forgotten or something I had put off thinking, “Well I will do that later”.

I listen to some Artist vs. Poet and wished so much that I could have that simple text to the boy saying, “Hey, they are pretty good.”

I miss you, Dylan. Love, Aunt Jennie.

I found this buried on an old website we’ve had for many years.  It is a short video of Dylan driving away for his first driving lesson.  The symbolism is incredibly foretelling.  And the lack of any dialogue only demonstrates the apprehension Donna and I (especially Donna) had as parents  about letting Dylan drive.

Dylan and I didn’t have many days where it was just the two of us, especially as he got older. However, I was fortunate enough to have a great day with him as fall was about to begin. Dylan didn’t have to work, and I decided take a week off between jobs when I was laid off at SalonCentric. I wanted to take a day to go catch waves some place where I had not been in the water before. I was hoping for some bigger waves and longer rides than usual. I asked Dylan if he would go with me in case I needed rescuing, since I knew there wouldn’t be many, if any, people out that weekday.

It was overcast and cold. Dylan wore what had become his trademark white and black striped hooded sweatshirt jacket. I wanted to go to Silver Strand beach in Oxnard, since it was close and we had to get back to pick Marisa up from school. We checked out the north end of the beach, and it didn’t look promising. It was freezing cold and look like there would not be much worthwhile. I was determined, because I knew it would be my last chance for a long time. I decided to check out the south end of the beach. We walked out and looked over the huge stretch of sand to the water. This was more what I was looking for. Not quite as big as what I hoping for, but good enough. I got my stuff, and Dylan took a beach chair along with his iPod and phone and headphones, and we made the long walk down to the shore. I probably spent about an hour and half out in the water. Once in while Dylan would get up and walk down to the shore to laugh at me while I was eating sand. It was fun, but that was not even the best part of the day.

After I was convinced that we were sufficiently cold and I was done until a new season, we headed back to the car. The new car. We spent quite a while out on that street trying to get the sand off the board and wetsuit. I did my best to keep from mooning the neighbors while I got into my clean clothes, because I didn’t want to get a lot of sand in the seat. We finally gave up and piled into the car, and turned the heater all the way up.

We cruised around the area a little bit and eventually ended up at Port Hueneme Pier. I don’t remember what we talking about, but I know it felt like a great moment while we talking over the car while I was getting my shoes and jacket on. A seagull flow overhead that for some reason caught our attention. We were probably worried it would shit on us. None the less, we headed out towards the pier with goal being to reach the end, of course. We talked a lot that day. Games, music, life. Even politics. I loved hearing his idealistic left leaning thoughts. I would contrast his with my mostly moderate stance. I would throw out a couple tough questions that neither of us could provide the answers like so many before us. We made it out to the end of the pier where a few people were fishing. The wind was cutting through our already cold bodies, so we picked up the pace and headed back. We passed some fisherman who caught something that gave us pause, but I don’t remember what it was. Maybe a tiger shark. We walked by some young men that looked like they were looking for trouble. I kept my head up and maintained a confident strut — in someway thinking I was protecting my 20 year old son. By the time we got back to the car, we were nearing a jogging pace, because we were so cold. We were hungry and done with the days outside adventure. We drove around a while looking for a place to grab some lunch. GPS may have been involved in locating a Subway. We ate pretty quick in there because it was so damn cold inside the restaurant too. It didn’t matter, because the great conversation just kept coming. Those conversations maintained themselves for duration of entire ride home.

It was a really great day.