Recently, I have thought about the night Dylan graduated from high school. I just keep remembering finding him on the field after ceremony, and walking right up to him to give him a big hug. I didn’t want to let him go in that moment, because I knew that things would be different. I didn’t feel ready, but I realized that he had become a man when I noticed how much taller was than I. Perhaps, these thoughts have resulted in this dream I had last night:
Dylan had short hair. It might have had some gel in it, but not much. I would say he was about seven. He was standing in front of a folding table that had an old man sitting on the other side. There were a few papers scattered on the table. Dylan looked like he was wearing a school uniform, but this did not seem to be school related.
With a little encouragement, Dylan walked up to the table and very quietly asked the old man a question. Something about the old man and his words caused Dylan to repeat the question so the old man could hear him, instead of turning to Donna and I who were standing off to the side. The old man’s response was lighthearted and seemed to indicate that whatever Dylan had asked would not be a problem.
All of a sudden, I was in the empty garage of the townhouse we used to own. There might have been a few people around the perimeter of the garage, but Dylan and I were in the middle. When I saw him, I walked up to him and hugged him tight while crying uncontrollably. I said to him, “It has been so long since I have seen you when you were so small.”
This morning, when I walked up to the tree in Heritage park, my eyes filled with tears as this dream from last night came back to me.
My heart breaks for you. There isn’t a day that goes by that you, Donna and/or Marisa and Dylan don’t creep into my heart. Sometimes happy thoughts or remembrances which I love but sometimes sad ones. I miss him. This picture of him made me smile, thank you for that .
I feel you pain, or is it Joy. To be able to hug your Son one more time, if only in a dream. I know it feels so real at the time. Wishing you many happy deams.