Here are the words I wrote, but did not necessarily speak when I eulogized my son:<\/p>\n
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Prepare for a mess.<\/p>\n
There are so many things I feel like I want to say, because I don\u2019t want to lose any of the memories I have of Dylan.\u00a0 I want to share them all but here are just a few.<\/p>\n
\u201cNice day to mow a lawn.\u201d\u00a0 A flippant response I made to a social network post made by my son about the beautiful Valentines Day weather.\u00a0 Those are the last words I conveyed to my son.\u00a0 He no doubt would appreciate the sarcasm about the state of our own unattended lawn.\u00a0 He had been known to throw around such remarks himself.<\/p>\n
I remember the last time Dylan used this microphone and amp to play music in front of a large group of people.\u00a0 I always told him that I believed art and music was best when it was created or interpreted as an extension of yourself.\u00a0 Well, that night he let his feelings be known. He did not want to be there.\u00a0 Ziggy Stardust sounded as emotionless as a blank piece of paper.\u00a0 That was the end of his public guitar playing days.\u00a0 Once in a while he would play something on his acoustic guitar.\u00a0 I remember one time he posted a cover version of a song by a band he really liked.\u00a0 I don\u2019t remember the song or the band, but I listened to it.\u00a0 One of the members of the band commented on liking it.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t bad and I wish I had it now, because I would really like to hear his voice.<\/p>\n
We struggled through Dylan\u2019s adolescence and young adulthood like most any other family, but I always believed with his sharp wit and creativity and intelligence that he would find his way in the world.\u00a0 Donna and I spent many nights lying awake talking about where and when he might land on his feet.\u00a0 However, I won\u2019t lie, most of those nights were wondering if he would land on his feet.\u00a0 As parents, our concern was out of our great love for our son like that of any loving parent.\u00a0 I can\u2019t remember the number of times I told him that we only wanted the best for him.\u00a0 We wanted him to succeed where we felt we fell short.\u00a0 We wanted him to have things better than we did, even though we spent many days discussing how very fortunate and lucky we had been.\u00a0 It would appear that our luck has changed recently.<\/p>\n
There has been so much darkness hanging over my family within the last two years. The loss of my brother in law Bill Wittman, serious health issues of our aging parents including a very close call with my mother, loss of jobs, the loss of two cars in my own family after years and years of not so much as a scratch, the trying period of changing dance studios, and now the loss of my son Dylan and the very next day the loss of my Aunt Sharon.\u00a0 However, I feel that with the strength of our families, that have only gotten stronger through this dark period, and strength of this incredible community that we will tear a seam through this darkness.<\/p>\n
We have always been a close family the four of us.\u00a0 Donna and I\u00a0 wanted to shelter our kids from all the evils of the world.\u00a0 Sometimes maybe to a fault but our intentions were always for the well being of our children.\u00a0 We moved back to the Santa Clarita Valley for just that reason.\u00a0 A decision that we have never regretted.<\/p>\n
Dylan had a rough start in the beginning of his life.\u00a0 We spent a numbers of days with him at Valley Presbyterian Hospital\u00a0 after he was born.\u00a0 We were concerned about whether he would make it.\u00a0 When we finally were able to take him home, I was so excited to show him the world.\u00a0 My favorite was always to expose him to new things to touch.\u00a0 I would touch a leaf to his hand or cheek and he would shiver.\u00a0 I used to get such a kick out of that.\u00a0 We took him to the beach and the snow.\u00a0 Stupid things excited new parents do, but usually not with an infant.<\/p>\n
On one such outing, when he was older and in elementary school, we took him to see one of the great wonders of the world.\u00a0 The Grand Canyon.\u00a0 This was a great parent life lesson for Donna and I, because the memory that stayed with us from that trip was Dylan\u2019s constant crying about the Tomagotchi he dropped off the edge of the Grand Canyon.\u00a0 It was just sitting there in plain sight about 10 feet from the lip of the canyon.\u00a0 He just would not let it go.<\/p>\n
Dylan loved a good story.\u00a0 Even in video games he talked about how much liked a game to have a good story.\u00a0 That was apparent early on.\u00a0 His absolute favorite movie was Lion King.\u00a0 He would stand in front of the TV and just sing at the top of his lungs and mimic the motions of the characters on the screen.\u00a0 How many times did he watch that?\u00a0 Too many to count.\u00a0 We will never watch the video of him doing that the same way again.<\/p>\n
Dylan loved to read too.\u00a0 I used to make reading lists for him during the summer, and he would just thrash through the books.\u00a0 \u201cTom Sawyer\u201d, \u201cTime Machine\u201d, \u201cMartian Chronicles\u201d, \u201c1984\u201d.\u00a0 Many many books.\u00a0 All of them stuck with him.\u00a0 We would discuss the ones that touched him most.\u00a0 Everything I threw at him, he devoured.\u00a0 Tremendous reader.\u00a0 His favorites were Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings.\u00a0 We had developed a tradition for a few years where we would go to see the new Harry Potter movie when it came out.\u00a0 Just Dylan and I.\u00a0 Then, we did the same for the Star Wars movies and the Lord of the Rings movies when they came out too.\u00a0 I loved that little tradition we had going for while.\u00a0 Eventually, Harry Potter movies became longer and longer between and eventually he wanted to share those experiences with his girlfriend, Thalia.\u00a0 He was so excited about the Hobbit movies of which he only got to see the first and second ones.<\/p>\n
When it came to gaming, Dylan was frustratingly good.\u00a0 I stopped competing against him very early on, because I could never even present him a challenge.\u00a0 He was also drawn to the computer pretty early on.\u00a0 It started out with little educational games.\u00a0 He would just go through them and want more.\u00a0 I was worried that he would get too good on the computer and I wouldn\u2019t be able to keep an eye on what he was doing.<\/p>\n
I used to try to pass on life lessons hoping that Dylan would pay attention and hopefully learn something from my own experiences.\u00a0 One such lesson I had learned but I did not myself heed had to do with girls.\u00a0 I told him that girls like a guy who dresses nice.\u00a0 \u201cYou should dress nice.\u00a0 Girls like that.\u201d\u00a0 I also told him that girls like to dance with their boyfriend.\u00a0 \u201cGirls like a guy that dresses nice and will dance with them.\u201d\u00a0 He actually did listen to part of it.\u00a0 He had started to dress nice in recent years, but he didn\u2019t really do any dancing.<\/p>\n
When Marisa was born we never had any jealousy issues.\u00a0 Dylan loved his sister very early on, and especially in his early adulthood it seemed clear to me that they would always be there for each other.\u00a0 They always seemed to have such fun when they were together.\u00a0 Laughing and giggling in the back seat our car when we were on the way to some place.\u00a0 Or just sitting around the house playing around on a phone or computer.\u00a0 They were close.\u00a0 Very close.\u00a0 I am so sorry that you have to go through this Marisa, especially knowing how close you were to Dylan.<\/p>\n
I have always had a pretty pessimistic view of things, and my taste in music a lot of times reflected that.\u00a0 I remember noting how very strange it was to hear our young son in the back seat of the very car he was driving on Valentine\u2019s Day, smiling and\u00a0 singing\u00a0 \u201cBullet with Butterfly Wings\u201d.\u00a0 \u201cDespite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage.\u201d\u00a0 Such a pessimistic line from the mouth of a boy with so much of his life ahead.\u00a0 Fortunately, that pessimism did not resonate with him.<\/p>\n
This is end of a little story he wrote for Thalia a while ago.\u00a0 It is about a young couple.\u00a0 One of which is seemingly going to momentarily die:<\/p>\n
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\nThe hand he had never let go of twitched, and squeezed back. The cheeks turned rosy with life as her eyes slowly opened and she turned to him. In shock, he couldn’t help but stare, as his mouth fell open and tears welled in his eyes. She smiled and wiped them away, pulled him closer and said “I told you, I’ll never abandon you.” And she never did.<\/p>\nLast night, I had a dream with Dylan in it.\u00a0 My first one since Valentines Day.\u00a0 He was a young boy and we had walked to a convenience\u00a0 store for something. When we came out, it was dark and almost like a war zone. There was the orange glow of fires in the distance. Gray cinder blocks were piled high on the sidewalks. Some were covered with felt banners made of green and gold (canyon high school colors) that said Canyon High School on them. Donna and I graduated from Canyon High.\u00a0 We had forgotten, that it was a high school rivalry football game and everybody was walking toward my house even though I didn’t know them. Dylan and I started the challenging path home but I eventually gave in and started on an easier one. Dylan refused and didn’t want to go that way. We laid on the felt banners together and stared up at the stars while the tears in his eyes dried and everybody continued on toward our house.\u00a0 This one dream that needs no interpretation.\u00a0 I know Dylan.\u00a0 We are going to have take the difficult path home.\u00a0 I just want to stay with you here for a while longer.<\/p>\n
Now is the time for us to find light in the darkness.\u00a0 So, what do I have to be thankful for now?\u00a0 I have a few things.\u00a0 I am thankful that my mother got to be part of seeing her other granddaughter, Meghan Simmons, get married in December.\u00a0 I am thankful for the opportunity of a renewed relationship with my parents and sisters.\u00a0 I am thankful for my brother in law, Richard Sears,\u00a0 for even thinking of Dylan recently for job opportunity.\u00a0 My other brother in law – my friend – Lonny Mitchell, for giving Dylan a short job that enabled us to spend those last precious few moments with Dylan within his last week with us.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 My dear friend, Rafael Ramirez, who has known Dylan since the day he was born.\u00a0 He made room for me at his company when I was laid off.\u00a0 Also, I am thankful for all of you.\u00a0 We are so quiet and private that I would have never ever expected the outpouring of support from all of you.\u00a0 Dylan would wonder the same thing I have: Who the hell are all these people and why are they here?\u00a0 But now, I cannot imagine what this experience would be like without all of you.\u00a0 Thank you<\/p>\n
\u201cNice day to mow a lawn.\u201d\u00a0 Indeed, but it was Valentines day, and an even better day to buy flowers or a teddy bear for the girl you love.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
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Here are the words I wrote, but did not necessarily speak when I eulogized my son: Prepare for a mess. There are so many things I feel like I want to say, because I don\u2019t want to lose any of the memories I have of Dylan.\u00a0 I want to share them all but here … Continue reading Words I Wrote.<\/span>